Growing old friends takes some serious time, right? I know it sounds kind of corny to kick off my blog like this, but it’s just the simple truth. In today’s world, keeping it simple feels like a breath of fresh air. Over the years, I’ve figured out that building lasting friendships isn’t a sprint, it’s more like a marathon. If you stay committed to those relationships, they can turn into easy-going, solid friendships that stick around for the long haul.

Low-maintenance friends, can someone throw up a hand and an amen? When I talk about these friendships, I’m thinking of my friends Simpy, Staci, Amy, and of course, Candice and April—part of my dime pieces of a squad! Let me break it down! With these fabulous humans, we can each ghost each other for weeks or even months, then suddenly—POOF!—the silence shatters like a piñata at a five-year-old’s birthday party. We seamlessly dive back into our chats like we never left, no drama, jealousy, or the dreaded FOMO. It’s like we have a secret handshake that says, “Hey, I might not text you back for a millennium, but you’re still one of my ride-or-dies!” I can only imagine what you’re thinking: “How do you keep these friendships alive without daily affirmations?” Well, if you build your friendship on a solid foundation, it doesn’t crumble like my New Year’s resolutions! So when I say, “Get yourself some low-maintenance friends,” I mean it! Trust me, they’re the real VIPs!

Let’s chat about female friendships. Meet me on the stoop, grab a cold drink, and I’ll spill some of my friendship stories.

Friendships can be defined in various ways and levels because humans are complex creatures.We all have our unique perspective on what a friend means to us. Each of us has our own standards; I certainly do, but I won’t speak for you. A friend can be beautifully defined as someone we know and share a joyful mutual bond with, enriching our lives in wonderful ways.

Many folks plow through life like they’re stuck in a never-ending game of hide-and-seek, totally missing out on the awesome perks of having a real friend who eventually becomes an old buddy. If that sounds like you, the idea of low-maintenance friends might seem totally bizarre—like, what? But don’t stress, it’s time to turn that thought upside down! You might be asking what a low-maintenance friend even is, and why should you care about this blog post. Here’s the scoop: friends are pretty amazing! Low maintenance is like needing less care than a cactus—just water it once in a blue moon and it thrives! Like that one Friday when I got a text from my a friend saying, “You good? Just woke up from a nap and you popped into my head!” Can you believe it? Almost a month without chatting, and bam—we’re back in action! She was alive, I was alive, and our text exchange was warmer than a heated blanket in December—she told me I love ya and, I tossed it right back like a perfect boomerang. Some might laugh at our quick chat, but we know what’s up! That’s the glorious silliness of being low-maintenance! I assure you neither one of us questions whether there is something wrong because the convo was just short and sweet, and folks, that is it. I can assure you there is no DOUBT in our minds about our friendship.

Back story; I’ve been to a few schools in my life. I actually went to three different schools in just first grade! At my second school, I met a girl named Tiea, and our little story starts there. It was my first day, and she was sweet, kind, and let me borrow some paper. I have no clue why I didn’t have any, but sometimes things just work out, right? Back then, we were all about those big chief tablets. She barely knew me, yet her kindness really stuck with me. I doubt she remembers that day, but I sure do. You might think, “It’s just paper,” but nah, it was a big deal, so big that I still think about it years later. Tiea is still a kind and sweet person, just like always. We drifted in and out of each other’s lives over the years, but our friendship kicked off with a few sheets of paper, and I still call her my friend. There was even a time when we were like pen pals, writing those good old snail mail letters with stamps in the corner. I wish I had those letters; they probably vanished during one of my moves. We shared a ton of memories that I keep tucked away in my mind. In my freshman year of high school, I moved back to her school, now our school, and we graduated together. That’s why those few sheets of paper meant so much. I don’t see Tiea often these days—she’s lives in the small town where we graduated. Her birthday is this month, and she’s definitely still my friend. I hope you find your own Tiea!

Moving a lot meant that I made new friends in each place I landed. If you have never moved to different schools and different places, let me add, it is a blessing and a curse all wrapped up in several little packages. Making new friends was not always easy, but I generally found my people at each stop. The fact that I liked to “move it move it” I know people from several different places. I have stayed in contact with a few. The others I have wonderful memories of, like Buffy, Jana, and Crystal, although I still talk to Crystal now and again. If for some off-the-wall chance you are reading this and you were in one of the many schools I went to, thank you for being a friend to me. Jackie, Nicole, Yvette, Erica, and Brandi, I remember you ladies as well. I could add to the long list, but if you remember me, I want to say a special thank you for being a friend to the new girl.

I have a wonderful circle of friends, or as I like to call them my “solids”! I have a friend that my children call their other Mother; her name is Corita. When I say this, I mean it from the depths of this Mama heart of mine, get you a friend that loves your kids like their own. If you do, you have hit solid gold, sis. It takes a village, and I hope your village is a good one. The majority of my solids live close by, and even they are in the low-maintenance category. Please do not get it twisted; you have to invest in friendships. I digress; you have to invest in any relationship, even if it is low-maintenance. Friendships must have a form of cultivation, yes they do. It is just that people have their own lives to live; they are busy, they have a spouse, they are still raising children, and sometimes they would like to take a nap. Therefore, an everyday constant feeding of a friendship is not always doable for me; I will let everyone else answer this for themselves. This is why I appreciate my solids and their low-maintenance friendships that I have been afforded.

On the flip side of friendships, some folks never really get the chance to keep those long-time friends around. Friends come in and out of our lives; the ones you thought would stick around might just bounce for one reason or another. That’s just how it goes, right? We outgrow some people, and they outgrow us too. Sometimes friendships turn into “enemy ships,” which is sad but true. People move, and you can lose touch; I’ve been there more times than I can count. But that doesn’t mean you’re not friends anymore; it just means you’re not as tight as you used to be. I’ve got friends from graduation that I haven’t seen since. And let’s be real, some of you reading this have probably lost a friend to death, and that’s a tough reality. Sometimes, friends have to let you go, and you might have to do the same, because life keeps changing. You grow, evolve, and with age, comes wisdom, which helps you see friendships and relationships in a whole new light.

I’ve been really fortunate when it comes to friends. I’m super grateful for every one of my long-time pals. We’ve put in years of work on these friendships, both me and them. So, I’m totally thankful for everything my friends have given me and the effort they put into our bond. Why? Because I’m a lot—I mean, a whole lot—and I’m not sorry about it. Bless their hearts, all I ask is that they love me for who I am, or just let me be. I know I’m a bit different, kind of quirky and think outside the box, especially being a Southern girl. But I’m cool with it, even if not everyone gets to see that side of me; they should be grateful for that! I also love being a low-maintenance friend, too.

I am going to share with you a few things I have said over the years and still say to this day. If I am not clapping for you, I do not need to be in your audience, and I hope the same from you too. This takes maturity and dropping the filters of life. If I cannot accept what you bring to the table, I will not be sitting at your table. And… my all-time favorite quote is one that I have said over and over and over again, through the years. A good friend loves you enough to hurt your feelings. If you do not get it, we are just different; this is all.

I will say, be a good friend. With effort and consistency you CAN. If you think of one of your friends, send them a text. It is this easy nowadays. Set up a lunch or dinner, or just do some stoop time. You are going to need your friends from time to time, and they are going to be counting on you as well. Show up and be there, whether that is on FaceTime, (which can I get a woot woot), a two-hour phone conversation to catch up from the last six months of life, or hey, we are meeting at an Airbnb on New Year’s Eve. See ya there, sis.

I really hope anyone reading this has at least a couple of good buddies in their life. A small circle is all you need—those who won’t just bail you out of jail but will be right there with you in the pokey. Honestly, at my age, if I got that one phone call, I couldn’t even reach out to anyone since I haven’t remembered a phone number since the 90s, so yeah, having a good pal with me during lock-up would be ideal. No, I have never been to jail, but hey I am not dead, yet. Just make sure you know the difference between your acquaintances, co-workers, and those folks you have to deal with for whatever reason, and your true friends. Not everyone is your friend, trust me—you’ll thank me later for that bit of wisdom. Keep an eye out for red flags, like if they’re trash-talking others; chances are they’re bad-mouthing you behind your back too. Seriously, I’ve been around the block; if you wanna talk smack about me, go for it, it just gives someone else a break. What people say about me when I’m not around? Yeah, that’s really none of my business anyway.

This blog is dedicated to my amazing friends, my very own superheroes who have come into my life and saved me from my own crazy meltdowns! Seriously, you all have loved me when I did not even love myself at times. Words like ‘thankful’ and “grateful” sound cliche but here they are. One more thing, tell your friends you love them, make it weird I don’t mind, because none of us are promised tomorrow.

Hey, big shoutout to Susie, the one and only Spicy, you will always be the the Romy to my Michelle. To Madeline, my darling cara de muñeca, aka LuLu, and Charity, who has the sweetest heart ever. I just had to give them a mention before wrapping up this blog!

The pic above was snapped on New Year’s Day 2025, and let me tell you, we had a blast! We made some awesome memories, shed a few tears, laughed way too loud, and watched fireworks light up the sky. (check it out below)

Hey, thanks for dropping by for some stoop talk. Check on your strong friends, and as I say “text me when you get home safe”!

Kindness starts with me.

tlramsey