How casual conversations became therapy & healing.

Allow me to introduce you to Stoop Talkin…

Here is a short backstory of how stoop talk came to be in my delicious life.

In the middle of a turbulent time, in my life, I came up with this idea of stoop talkin’. I could not afford a therapist or a life coach, it was not in my budget.  I needed a safe place, and others did too, to talk about problems, feelings, and the mess of life. Others, including myself, would gather on my stoop and discuss life’s issues. Vulnerability, showing grace, and understanding, are the building blocks of stoop talk. In addition, there was and is one cardinal rule, if it was said on the stoop, it stayed on the stoop.                                                                                                                                     Sheila Martin, now Dr. Sheila Jacobs, was one of the pioneer stoop talkers, along with other friends like Corita, Staci, Candice, and April. My children have had stoop talk ingrained in them, as well as their close friends. I could not begin to list them all. Some who stopped by the stoop were total strangers to me. Friends I knew would bring others with them to do some stoop talk. I thought people wanted or needed advice, but I found out that most stoop-goers needed someone to listen to them. Listening is a skill most will not master. Most will fail because we listen only to respond, we do not listen to just listen. I started learning to listen and working on becoming mentally healthy.

People I hardly knew displayed bravery by discussing their vulnerabilities. I, too, have found myself vulnerable during stoop talks. This, in my opinion, is admirable. Many of us can remember moments when we found it easier to confide in a stranger rather than a loved one. Personally, I hesitated due to the fear of criticism or misinterpretation. Through stoop talk, I realized that people simply desire recognition, understanding, appreciation, attention, and affection. It’s really quite straightforward!

During the early process of sitting on the stoop, I began to let perfectionism go. Perfect does NOT exist on the stoop, but being your best does.  However, the building blocks of stoop talk, being non-judgmental, loving, and encouraging is. Because, addressing things, helping resolve situations, and adjusting circumstances in life, are good things. People who have enjoyed stoop talk should understand this full circle. Being a good human is what it is all about. If you have never had the luxury of stoop talk, please, reach out to my email.  It is always good to know someone is there to just listen. Admittingly if you want to vomit your words and walk away with no comments or conversation responses, this blog could be for you. 

There were times when conversations that started on the stoop had to be tabled until the next visit if it was not talked out, faced, embraced, and resolved.  Since I love to write, I may write a book one day and title it Stoop Talk. However, I will start with this blog first. The stories, conversations, thoughts, and safety net of stoop talk could be helpful to others. However, one day I may protect the identities of others and put some of them on paper.

No way could I give thanks to all the people in regard to stoop talk. I have learned or taken away something from each conversation. All the emotions surfaced there, but out of all of them, laughter is my favorite. I have even sat alone on the infamous stoop and answers have flooded my way.

Any place I have lived has had a stoop. As daring and courageous and empowering and all other words to attach to it, stoop talk started in 2002, do the math and you will know how old it is. It was developed when I was in the midst of my divorce from my children’s Father. I was not in a position where I could afford a divorce and therapy, because the divorce was happening.  Legal fees WOWzer! So sitting on that stoop became my therapy. There is a lot that has been resolved and handled by what was started years ago, and it continues.  Life is a dash of the journey, and how a person handles it varies in many ways. Some get through with the dash sooner than others, as we are only assigned so many heartbeats.

This is how, why, and when stoop talk was created.  Years later it remains and is still going strong. On another note, I am from the South and what most people call a porch, or deck, I dubbed mine a stoop, hence the name.  

Thanks for stopping by the stoop.

Kindness starts with me! (my motto I live by)

t.l.ramsey